Fear Makes Us Want to Control Things

Control is a funny thing.

We think we have control when most of the time we don’t.

We have no control over the world, the coronavirus, the economy, people isolating at home or not, or when we die.

Fear makes us want to control things.

When we’re afraid we mistakenly try to control our spouses, kids, and other people’s behavior.

This is called projection. We try to alleviate our internal fear by attempting to control someone or something outside of ourselves. We nag our kids to wear a bicycle helmet. We pester our spouse to take vitamins and get more sleep. We admonish others on social media to stay home during the coronavirus.

Some might say these are acts of love.

How can you tell if it’s an act of love or fear? Love is calm and encouraging, it wants the other person to feel good. Fear is demanding and anxious, its wants the self to feel good.

If our spouses, kids and the world would just do what we expected, we’d feel better.

It’s true we would feel better, but only momentarily until the fear rises up again and we start looking for more things to control.

The only thing we truly can control is our mind and our response to the circumstances around us.

If you find yourself anxiously or angrily trying to control others, this is an indication that something within you needs healing first.

I find several of the affirmative prayers and statements in Gabrielle Bernstein’s book The Universe Has Your Back particularly helpful when I’m struggling with this.

“I witness that I’m out of alignment with my power. I choose to see peace (or love) instead of this.”

“Thank you Universe for guiding me to perceive this fear through the teacher of love.”

“I am determined to see this with love.”

I also pray, “Dear God, help me see this through your higher truth and perspective.”

Our sense of peace and contentment, or lack there of, doesn’t come from coronavirus, the president, or whether our friends and neighbors self quarantine, it comes from our thoughts. It’s not easy but when we stop trying to control things outside of ourselves and focus within, we control the one thing we actually can — our our thoughts and how we choose to see the world.

Have a fabulous day,

PS: You can find helpful tips on processing and shifting emotions in my earlier podcasts Negative Emotions Are Not Bad and Negative Thinking and the Thought Ladder. Or read The Mind and The Model.