Dating and Getting Clear on What Spiritual Means

I started dating a little over a year ago. This was following a surprise divorce after being married just short of 29 years. I took a year and a half off from relationships to grieve and heal, using some of this time to get clear about what type of partner I wanted the next time around. After all, I’m not the same person I was when I was twenty. Although many of my wish list items for a partner have remained the same: honesty, integrity, smart, and fun loving. Others, have become much more important. In fact, the characteristic at top on my list is now “a spiritual man.”

When I started dating, I used “spiritual man” as a filter to weed out the men that might or might not be a good fit for me. I’d find a way to ask, “Would you consider yourself a spiritual person? If so, in what way?” After dating a couple of great guys for a short time, I learned that “spiritual” has a very broad definition! Spiritual can mean, “I believe in a power greater than me but other than that I don’t give it much thought” to “I pray in times of need or crisis” to “I deeply value my spiritual connection and I am committed to putting my spirituality to work in my daily life.”

What I learned during this process is that I am on the latter end of the spectrum, while the other two wonderful guys were not. So I’ve refined my filter to “a spiritually devoted man”. We don’t have to believe the same exact things but I want someone who is devoted to their own spiritual connection and enjoys expressing and living it. Why? Because I do, and I want to share that with my partner.

My spirituality is now woven into every area of my life. It’s no longer reserved for Sundays, special holidays, or just my “personal” life. It’s now a golden thread that runs through my work-life, playtime, friendships, and downtime. It’s the first thought I have when I wake up and the last before I go to sleep. I don’t believe I’m fanatical about it. I don’t preach and I have no desire to “convert” anyone to my beliefs. In fact, I celebrate and honor each individual’s right to choose his or her own unique path to Spirit.

Although I dreaded having to start dating again in my fifties, I have to say that it’s been surprisingly fun! It’s also helped me clarify my needs and put my spirituality to work in new ways. Plus, I’ve met some wonderful men, a few of whom are now valued friends. The whole process makes me feel like I’m reliving my teenage years, except this time around I am much more confident, a whole lot less willing to settle, and open to whatever Spirit has in store for me.

PS: If you’re curious about my daily spiritual practice, you can read “One Woman’s Daily Spiritual Devotion.”