Tips for Making Tough Decisions

posted on : February 10, 2020 posted by : Natalie Eve Marquis

Making Tough Decisions

One of my friends is having to make some tough decisions at an important juncture in her life. I’m doing what any good friend would do. I’m holding space while she figures out what she really wants. She’s super smart and capable so I know she’ll figure out what’s best for her.  But her experience has reminded me of some of the tough decisions I’ve had to make such as:

  • Should I stay in a great corporate job until the economy shifts or follow my heart now and go back to freelance marketing so I’ll have more time to create art?

  • Should I tell a family member that their negative comments about my appearance are not helpful or welcome or should I suck it up and let it go?

  • Should I stay in New Hampshire where the majority of my friends and family are or move to Sedona, the beautiful land that I love?

I think one of the big reasons searching for the right answer is super tough sometimes is because it eventually requires us to confront others and stand up for our own needs and desires. Most of us aren’t comfortable with confrontation. In all of the above situations, I had to bear the discomfort of informing family and friends of my decisions once I’d made them. Following my heart also meant I was letting them down because I wasn’t making the decision they would have preferred. And, in the case of the unwelcome comments, it also required establishing a boundary and having a conversation about which types of comments were welcome/not welcome.

How did I make these tough decisions? Over and over again, I’ve found the following two questions help me get clear about my true motivations and heart-felt desires when I’m wrestling with an important decision:

1. Will I regret doing this or not having done this when I’m 95?

This has been one of my go-to questions from the time I was a young adult. This question reminds me that I want to wring as much out of life as I can. I don’t want to be old and regret not having fully lived.

Hands down I would have regretted not giving my artist side a chance, and so I left the corporate job, resumed contract marketing work and for two years gave myself time to create lots of art.

2.  Am I choosing from love or fear?

This question comes from life experience. I’ve learned that when I make decisions out of fear the journey is more difficult. When I give in to fear I tend to do one of three things: I act prematurely, bury my head in the sand, or I charge off in the wrong direction entirely. Everything may work out okay in the end but I made the journey unnecessarily messy and painful.

When I’ve made decisions out of love, life seems to support me and things unfold more smoothly. I believe this is because the energy of love is expansive and following our joy and passions has a forward momentum. On an energetic level, like attracts like. So it’s no wonder, when I’ve made a big decision out of heart-felt desire, the journey unfolds smoothly and I feel like I’m riding a current.

When I searched my heart, I found that if I didn’t confront my family member about their comments, I would have done so because I was afraid of their displeasure and disapproval. I chose to love and honor myself instead. The uncomfortable but brief conversation we had was worth how good I felt in sticking up for myself.

The decision to move away from family and friends I’d known most of my life was probably one of the most difficult ones I’ve ever made. Yet, I followed my heart and moved to Sedona. And, I’m ever so grateful I did. Sedona has been such an amazing adventure!

More Insight Generating Questions

Here are some other questions that might help you know your own heart. They’re from a wonderful book by Debbie Ford called The Right Questions:

  1. Will this choice propel me toward an inspiring future or will it keep me stuck in the past?

  2. Will this choice bring me long-term fulfillment or will it bring me short-term gratification?

  3. Am I standing in my power or am I trying to please another?

  4. Am I looking for what’s right or am I looking for what’s wrong?

  5. Will this choice add to my life force or will it rob me of my energy?

  6. Will I use this situation as a catalyst to grow and evolve or will I use it to beat myself up?

  7. Does this choice empower me or does it disempower me?

  8. Is this an act of self-love or is it an act of self-sabotage?

  9. Is this an act of faith or is it an act of fear?

  10. Am I choosing from my divinity or am I choosing from my humanity?

Whatever big or small decisions you have to make today, I hope you choose from a place of self-love and honoring your heart’s true desires.

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