Beware of Victim Mentality and How to Take Your Power Back
A few months ago, I did a reading for a woman who wanted some insight on a couple of new romantic relationships.
She was upset that her primary romantic interest was not communicating despite the fact that she’d texted him five times that morning. She asked me to see if there was a dark energy around her. She had paid a gypsy to banish it, but she felt it was still hanging around her because none these relationships were working out. She also was upset that her neighbor talks her ear off when she takes out the trash at night. It’s usually very late, she doesn’t want to be bothered, so she tries to avoid her neighbor, but the woman won’t leave her alone. She swears the neighbor is sending energetic cords of attachment.
As we got deeper into the reading, it became apparent that the cause of this woman’s troubles wasn’t other people, “dark energy” or “cords of attachment”. The real culprit was herself, but she wasn’t quite ready to see this yet because she was stuck in victim mode.
Yes there are people that feed off the energy of other people (energy vampires) and there are people we find emotionally draining (emotional vampires), yet quite often the problem isn’t other people, it’s us. Sometimes we’re quick to blame outside sources because we’re not quite ready to do the healing work necessary to resolve the underlying issues. Issues such as not setting clear boundaries, managing our energetic needs through self-care, or choosing self-love over a potential romance that is not a good fit for us.
No judgment here at all. Most of what I write and teach about is stuff I’ve learned the hard way. So I’ll be the last one to judge. I’m just saying that not everything is a dark force or person trying to suck the life force energy out of us.
Quite often, we unconsciously choose the victim position because it feels safer. We don’t have to stretch beyond our comfort zone. We don’t have to speak up for ourselves, show vulnerability, or risk not being liked or chosen by the object of our affection. Ultimately though when we allow ourselves to be a victim, we give our power away.
How to Take Back Your Power
#1 The first step is awareness. One big clue that we might be feeling and acting like a victim is when we feel powerless or helpless. Other indications include blaming other people or your circumstances, feeling the world is out to get you or feeling self-righteous or justified.
- Feeling powerless or helpless
- Feeling the world is out to get me
- Feeling self-righteous or justified
- Blaming
#2 Practice self-love. Once we recognize we might be in victim-mode, there is tendency to want to beat ourselves up because now we feel weak or inadequate. This self-flagellation doesn’t help. Instead congratulate yourself! This is an opportunity for personal growth. After all, you can’t transform something you were not aware of. Now that you’re aware it, you can do something about it. So give yourself a huge hug, a high five, and move on to the next step…
#3 Soul-searching. Now it’s time for a little honest soul-searching. We want to gently probe into our uncomfortable areas to see what might need forgiveness, a new perspective or a different type of action.
- Where am I feeling powerless or helpless?
- What do I really want from this situation or person?
- Is there something I’m avoiding doing or saying because it would be uncomfortable?
- Where might fear be getting in the way?
- What am I afraid of?
#4 Practice Forgiveness. As counterintuitive as it may feel, forgiveness is one of the best ways to take your power back. Forgive yourself. Forgive the person who did you wrong. Forgive life for being difficult and challenging.
Forgiveness isn’t letting the other person off the hook. Forgiveness is setting yourself free. Forgiveness is deep healing work.
I met at woman at conference the other day that said, “My Mom has done a forgiveness meditation every morning for as long as I can remember. She is 91-years old now and experiences no physical pain or ailments.” Forgiveness is powerful.
Explore these forgiveness exercises and resources.
#4 Take empowered action. We fall into victim-mode out of fear. The best way to take our power back is to step through our fears. We become more empowered and courageous each time we step through fear. Explore where you might take at least one baby step towards moving through that fear.
- Where do I need to set better boundaries?
- Where can I do a better job speaking my truth?
- Do I need more self-care and nurturing? Regular massages, energy healing, meditation, hypnosis to reprogram negative beliefs, or something else?
- What aspects of myself are in need of more acceptance and self-love?
- Do I need or want outside support, such as a counselor or life coach?
- Have I prayed or asked Spirit for help? This can be as simple as “Help me realize the strength and courage to face and move through my fears. Help me be the best me possible.”
Metaphysical Point of View: Everything we see in the world is a manifestation of our predominate inward thinking/feeling patterns. If we are experiencing troublesome people, dark energy or cords of attachment, these are outward symptoms showing us aspects of ourselves that need healing. As we heal and shift the thinking/feeling patterns that created them, we start feeling stronger, more empowered and happier. As a result, the negative situations begin fading away and we start experiencing situations and people that feel easier and good.
While it might seem easier to stay a victim, the benefits of taking back our power are immense. We gain a greater sense of control and self-efficacy. We feel stronger, braver and full of energy. Rather than reacting to and being driven by others, we become self-driven. We navigate life more confidently. We love ourselves more, and we find greater ease and joy in life.
Explore these resources
Reiki Release Emotional Healing Method
Belief Buster Hypnosis
My sister, Kelly Lyn Marquis, is a powerful life coach and can help you eliminate your “passion detractors.”
